There are only three types of love: are you living the right one?

The human being has talked about love practically since it appeared on Earth. It has been the main theme of poets and thinkers since the dawn of time, and obviously, in more recent times it has become the subject of study by psychology. Obviously without ever reaching a consolidated awareness that everyone agrees.

There are many ways of identifying and classifying love and the type of love we are experiencing. Some are very technical, and therefore not very useful for understanding how to manage it, others are more linked to social and behavioural aspects, therefore superficial in the analysis. According to the developmental stages of the person, however, love is divided into three large groups, closely linked to our stages of growth. It is the identification that best helps us to understand what stage we are in and how to place ourselves in relation to what we are experiencing.

Finding out what kind of love we are experiencing can help us recognize our path, correctly interpret any problems within the relationship and identify if and when a step forward is needed. Relationships with others, including sentimental ones, are an aspect in which a good life coach can certainly be effective : if you feel you need to improve the effectiveness of your sentimental situation, contact us.

Here are the three types of love we can have in our life.

The first love

First love is what wins us over when we are young. Often very young, still adolescents, with an unformed character and an avalanche of expectations towards this feeling. We live it in a highly idealistic way, the result of the representation of love we have had from literature, cinema, and cartoons. And we will believe that it will be the only love of our life. We will convince ourselves of this because this is how we think it should go, based on what society and our family have made us understand.

So we will do everything to make it work. Even when it doesn’t seem to work. We will convince ourselves that this is how love is supposed to go, and if a part of us doesn’t feel fully comfortable, we will think we will just have to get used to it. Because the idea of ​​experiencing love as the world expects it to be is more important than understanding how we really feel.

This is love that feels right. And maybe it lasts a lifetime, of course. But in the most common cases, at some point, we realize we want more. Having grown up and needing to explore other dimensions of oneself. Thus the first love ends and we will move on to the next.

Problematic love

What happens to us after our first love is a problematic love (or series of loves). When we got there, we will have grown compared to the previous love, we will have understood that our character is important and that we must follow what we want. And most likely our partner will also be in the same evolutionary stage. Therefore, love will take the form of a series of clashes over how we think things should go. We will put all our energy into it because this time we will no longer be willing to accept a love that doesn’t work just for the sake of having it.

At the same time, we will still be convinced that to make it work, love requires continuous effort. This is why we fight on every front, even if it is a matter of trifles, because behind every disagreement an incompatibility can be hidden that must absolutely be resolved. In this type of love, we focus on every single nuance and tend not to overlook anything. Unconventional weapons are often used, such as manipulation, the use of passive-aggressive attitudes and even some form of abuse, physical or psychological. Problem love is the love we hoped was the right one.

Problematic loves last until we realize we’re focusing too much on how to make it work, rather than the possibility that maybe it just doesn’t work. A problematic love can be followed by others of the same nature: as long as we have high expectations towards our love life, as long as we are convinced that we must at all costs have a person to love and with whom to make the relationship work, it is very likely that we will continue. to have problematic loves. And one of them may even be the one that will last a lifetime, by our choice. Or, one day, we will realize that our character is formed, that changing or making the other change is impossible and that our expectations towards the concept of love have significantly lowered. So maybe we’ll go back alone.

Love that lasts

The last stage of love is the one that lasts naturally. It can also be called quiet love because it lacks those extreme emotional ups and downs of previous loves. It usually comes without us looking for it and in a completely unexpected way, probably in ways that we would never have considered suitable for the birth of a love, and with people who did not correspond to our previous expectations related to the life partner.

In lifelong love you can’t even explain why things work – they just work. You are not loading that relationship with any superstructure or expectation, you are not forcing the other to be as you would have liked and the other is doing the same with you. There is compatibility but there are also differences, and you find yourself noticing that the differences help to complement each other and to stay balanced. Together you manage everything, quietly. We are able to accept the other person in their entirety, with their strengths and weaknesses, without this being an effort. And the other does the same with us.

Quiet love is the love we feel is the right one. Even if we are not able to explain it to us based on the parameters that we considered essential for love. When this love arrives, it happens that you observe it proceeding almost by inertia, in the right way, without having to try too hard to keep it in the right tracks. You feel that you are on the path that your destiny wanted for you and you simply focus on making it grow the right way. If there are no external forces that prevent its continuation, this is the love with which we will end our search.

Most likely, the love we are experiencing strongly depends on the evolutionary state we are in. It is therefore useful to understand what kind of relationship we have with the concept of love itself, what expectations we are living and how many sacrifices we have found ourselves making to make that relationship work. Based on this we can assess what emotional stage we are in and if we are really willing to change our attitude and move on to the next state.

For those who believe in destiny, any love that didn’t work had valid reasons not to work. For the same reason, a love that’s meant to work works even if we don’t force it in that direction. These are all aspects that guide and change the way we relate to the person we love and there is always something we can do to go in the right direction. If we don’t know “what”, asking a good life coach may be the right solution.